now i know why i became what i already was.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
