You really coming over, don't trick.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
