my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
