I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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