As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
