how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
