Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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