I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I will be naked everywhere
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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