I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
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I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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