I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
