my vag is so smooth its legendary
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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