Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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