I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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