Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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