What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
