remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
