I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have tasted many bathrooms
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
