Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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