girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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