We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I smell like Dick and happiness
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