walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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