Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
