I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm always down for nudity.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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