At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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