i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
