Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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