she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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