note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
