i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
