Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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