So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
