That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
