Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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