I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
