He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
