Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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