Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We left the knife in your bed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
