She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
