STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
