Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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