Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
try to milk me bitch
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