Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
