take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
