That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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