If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
