When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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