at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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