Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
