oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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