If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
