The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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