I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
