This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
