i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
