Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
