after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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