Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
