you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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