I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
