Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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