I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
