I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Everything about him screamed your future.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
