Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How does one acquire holy water?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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