We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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