I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
