Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
