Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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