Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
